Its not about money, its about pride

Since I haven't been blogging for a few weeks, there should be a lot of things waiting to be written.

Well... My mind is blank. Another one week away from the final exam.

To be frank, I've yet to turn on my study mood.

Lots of friends have been asking, 'How's your study?'

I answered, 'Not yet start =)'

Friends said, ' Don't lie la!'

=____=

I'm not a hardworking student la.

I study last minute. Real last minute.

Why is that so? Because my memory doesn't last long.

If you allow me to do some readings before asking a question, I'll be able to answer your doubts perfectly.

If you ask me a question out of a sudden, sorry, I have no idea.

It wasn't the first time leaving my books unopened eventhough exam is near.

It might be the same usual case --> my mood is still off.

However, somehow rather, I feel that something is different this time.

I lost the motivation. Nothing seems to drive me to open my books.

This is not good.

I thought I would be determined to score for first class in order to waive the RM19500 loan.

I kept telling myself, score in exam and you shall get a car for free (in other way of interpreting).
It doesn't work. =_______=

I recalled the high school period. I was a normal student getting normal grades.

I wanted to quit schooling.

What drives me to study hard for STPM and continue to university level then?

I wondered, and got the answer finally.

It was a decision triggered by anger, as people were looking down on me due to the complicated family background back then.

Yup, I've prove myself and let them shut up. I smell the different way of being treated.

It's cruel, but realistic enough too.

Perhaps I've forgotten those awful memories.

I've been placing myself on the top of the mountain for too long, to the extent that I forgot the feelings of being dumped at the bottom.

It's all right. I shall remembered them and pick myself up again.

The intention to waive the loan isn't strong enough to encourage me, I concluded.

It is the feelings of being looked down by relatives, friends' family, polices, bank officers, parents' friends etc ect etc.

I would never ever allow the same scenes to be replayed.